The usual suspects
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His & Hers Pumpkin Bundle
His says it. Hers shows it. His: a white tee with JUST HERE FOR THE PUMPKINS in big orange letters. Honest. Direct. A man who knows exactly why he came to the party. Hers: a black tee with two grinning jack-o'-lanterns placed exactly where he's looking. She's the pumpkins. He's just here for them. Walk in together and let everyone connect the dots. The best couple costume is the one that needs zero explanation and still makes your friends groan. 2 tees: his (white, orange text) + hers (black, two jack-o'-lantern pumpkins) Pick a separate size for him and for her Pumpkin spice not included. Pumpkins very much included.
$59.99 USD
Sit On My Face Tee
Yes, the text is upside down. No, it's not a printing mistake. Big white letters on a black tee, flipped so nobody standing in front of you can read it properly. There's only one angle where SIT ON MY FACE SO YOU CAN READ THIS SHIRT comes out right side up, and the shirt is very clear about which one. Watch people tilt their heads in the grocery line. Watch them get to the last word. Watch them look at you differently. You did that. Black tee, white upside-down front print Readable from one position only. We designed it that way. Not recommended for job interviews, recommended for everything else
$34.99 USD
FBI Tee
From across the room, you're a federal agent. Up close, you're a problem. Huge white FBI letters across the back, the kind you see on a raid jacket in every crime movie. People clear a path. Then they get close enough to read the line underneath: Female Body Inspector. Credentials: none. Confidence: unreasonable. The back print does the talking, so you can just walk away slowly and let the room deal with it. Black tee, big white FBI back print Not an actual government issue. Please do not flash it at the police. Inspection results not guaranteed
$34.99 USD
I Don't Speak Japanese Tee
Zero Japanese lessons. Full comprehension. The back reads I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE on top, BUT I UNDERSTAND. at the bottom, and in the middle sits a big brushstroke "character" that is very obviously two stick figures doing something very unacademic. It looks like calligraphy for exactly one second. Tourists will try to translate it. Your friends won't need to. Everyone who stares at it long enough eventually understands too. Black tee, white back print Not a real kanji. Not in any textbook. Universally understood anyway. Do not wear to your Japanese class. Or do.
$34.99 USD